The summer I went to camp with Tabina all we listened to was Sum 41. On the day when our cabin slept on top of the hill in our sleeping bags with the stars and waning moon and wet grass and night air…we were listening to this song over and over again.
(And I just got back from warped tour and they played it there! Amazing, except for the fact that I was deaf and kept on getting kicked in the head by crowd surfers.)
Woke up feeling excited. Mom reminded me that today was the day to register for De Anza classes but the account was “on hold” so we had to drive over there. Stood in line for 2 hours, listened to M.I.A. while Mom talked to the woman and her son who stood behind us. Am now on the wait list for four Intro to Bio classes. Walked to Target with Boson. Ansh flipped us off gave us pie and drove away.*† Bought Recovery then walked to Whole Foods. Ate the pie, clam chowder and salted chips and talked about ourselves and other people and our future spouses.
*Revision by Tsukii: Ansh didn’t get you guys pie. Kevin did! Ansh wanted to give it to Matt, but it was like “oh let’s give it to Yasmin she’s having an awful day at De Anza” and we go to De Anza and you’re not there. Then we go to Boson’s and you’re not there. And we go to Target and you’re not there. And we wait and you’re still not there. And finally you’re there and then Ansh flips you off.
†Revision by Ansh: ANSH DROVE AROUND ALL OF CUPERTINO TO DELIVER THE FUCKING PIE.
This is the third night in a row I’ve dreamt about getting my grades and every night they get worse. I’ve had the same people appear in my dreams for the past two nights. And yesterday was the first night I’ve ever dreamt about going to prom. It wasn’t fun and the music was bad.
I wonder what it must be like to be one of those caricature artists that are always hanging around wherever tourists are. Do you begin to subconsciously examine faces and pick apart their features? Or is it just a lens you look through that you can remove at will? I think that some people’s faces are more easily caricatured than others. In the case of mine I would emphasize my eyes because people are always saying how weirdly large they are. Oftentimes its the first thing they mention. When I met Connie she announced, “You have COW eyes!” I thank God that the rest of my face is normal sized.
“I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others — The only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad.”—Everything is Illuminated Jonathan Safran Foer
“Do you think I’m wonderful? she asked him one day as they leaned against the trunk of a petrified maple. No, he said. Why? Because so many girls are wonderful. I imagine hundreds of men have called their loves wonderful today, and it’s only noon. You couldn’t be something that hundreds of others are.”—Everything is Illuminated Jonathan Safran Foer
I went to santana row today with nicole kenzie ansh and tsukii which was fuuuuun because we went to urban and I bought a black dress and a radiohead tshirt that says “you used to be alright what happened?” and 15 step is my second favorite radiohead song, no surprises being the first. We had burgers which took forever because we ate slow and oscar, our waiter, was having problems splitting the cost or whatever. Ansh and tsukii did a MASH on me and so apparently I’m going to be a waitress and have lots of cats. We walked around the mall/the row for a bit after the burgers and today wasn’t half bad at all.
I just got back from Borders. My dad had his book group today so my mom and I went and sat in the cafe for a few hours. I looked through Fiction first and searched for Wodehouse but I couldn’t find anything. I grabbed Everything is Illuminated and then went upstairs to where the comics are. Everything there was crappy. It was either manga which I stopped reading when I was 11 or adaptations of TV shows like Buffy or Doctor Who which I both like but even though the creators always say the comic books are ways to “expand their universe” they really just want to milk all the money they can out of the whole franchise. But in the midst of all the crap I managed to find Ghost World! I was really excited because I’ve seen the movie with Nicole and I was actually just talking about it with my mom and Tsukii so it was one of those nice coincidences.
I read the whole thing in about an hour and a half, but I didn’t buy it. It just made me feel depressed about growing up. I really wanted to buy it and now I kind of wish I did. I related to it too much. I’m afraid that my friendships will end up falling apart the way Enid and Rebecca fall apart and that I’ll have trouble transitioning into ‘adult’ life. At one point Rebecca says that she wishes things could be they way they were in high school. I don’t want to be like that.
I ended up getting Everything is Illuminated instead but I think I’ll go back next week and return it so I can buy Ghost World. Nothing I’ve read lately has affected me as much as that dumb comic book has…
I went to Target twice today. Once with Tsukii to buy Kes a going away present. We got him “Malice N Wonderland” and a card where we wrote things about not getting caught in a drive-by shooting. Then the second time with Hitomi, Steff and Clarissa to buy Nutella and bread. We went to Alanna’s house and everyone had Nutella sandwiches. Everyone (eg. Nicole) always raves about how delicious Nutella is so I made myself a sandwich.
It was gross. I’m never eating Nutella again…….and this is proof that the bandwagon sucks.
I watched House today and I cried during the finale. Whenever I cry during movies and shows I always think of how in The Catcher in the Rye Holden says, “You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phony stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they’re mean bastards at heart.”
And so I felt a little pathetic about crying during House. Maybe I am a mean bastard. When I was little I consistently cried every time I watched The Lion King, just that one scene after the stampede when Simba goes to his dad’s body. I cried when Leonardo DiCaprio died in Titanic, but only the first time I ever saw it. I tear up during Mad Men sometimes. I was practically sobbing all the way through The Road.
I wonder if what Salinger wrote is true. I guess it is fake to get emotional about Jack drowning at the end of Titanic because everyone knows that it’s just Leonardo DiCaprio holding a piece of wood pretending to be cold and sad and in love. Afterwards he gets to dry himself off, receives a million dollars, and goes on a date with a supermodel. Nothing to cry about there.
I guess I’m just the kind of tool that Hollywood caters too…I get too attached to fictional characters, cry about them, then write about it in my blog.
I guess it’s a good thing I’m going to Florida for a couple days, getting out of Cupertino is always refreshing!
My dad keeps on telling me to get off the computer
WHICH I WOULD BUT
he deleted my Limewire folder so I have to transfer 3500 songs from my ipod to my itunes library which has basically taken all morning
I just got my laptop back and I missed it
I haven’t updated my ipod in a month and a half so I’ve got to a month and a half’s worth of music to download
nobody is willing to drive me anywhere so whatever, I have nothing better to do since I’m stuck at home
my mom won’t let me go anywhere until I pack my bags for Florida, which is boring and secondary to listening to new music/catching up on episodes of House so I’ll probably end up saving that for last so I’ll probably just spend all day. right. here.
Going to Nicoles house and signing yearbooks with people and eating peanut butter sandwiches and writing notes to Nicole with Kenzie and swimming is the best way to forget about how you bombed your math final
Well, finals are over. I went swimming for the first time all year today. Today was the best start of summer ever. It feels so so good to be free. I’m going to go watch TV now because I haven’t watched anything in about two weeks and then I’ll eat more peanut butter and sleep at 9 and wake up at 6 to go to school for about 4 hours. After that, I’m done.
“Where does discontent start? You are warm enough, but you shiver. You are fed, yet hunger gnaws you. You have been loved, but your yearning wanders in new fields. And to prod all these there’s time, the Bastard Time.”—John Steinbeck
“I guess I should tell you about the first time I had my period. My daddy was driving me back from summer camp, and I turned to him and said, “Daddy, I think I’m sloughing!” And he said, “That’s nice hunny.” And I realized, that he had like, *no idea*, what sloughing meant! So I explained to…