There was an article in the NY Times Sunday Magazine about ME!
And my friends and peers and everyone else born “between 1982 and 2002”. I really liked this issue of the Sunday Magazine for several reasons. Namely, the interview with John Waters, the semantics of COOL, the article about music videos, and well, the M.I.A. profile.
But I really liked one about me. I felt a little validated for being part of a Generation. We’re not the Beats, Baby Boomers, or Gen X, but we’re the ones with “ubiquitous iPods, flip-flops and inability to take criticism”. The plugged in, wired up, overstoked Generation Me.
The article was mostly about resilience and overconfidence when it came to employment but I thought that it applied to basically everything about us. I related to a lot of it. I’m narcissistic (I write in this blog about myself), I’m plugged in (Right now I’m on my laptop, listening to my iTunes, chatting, and texting), and I try not to take the blame when shit happens (It’s the caffeine, the nicotine, the miligrams of tar/ It’s my habitat, it needs to be cleaned, it’s my car).
So yeah, my bulked up ego really, really enjoyed reading that.
When ‘Back To Black’ first came out my dad bought it but then after all the gossip mags started ragging on how she was an alcoholic, he told my mom to return it. He didn’t want to be contributing to her alcoholism. But I managed to convince my mom to keep it, she agreed because she didn’t feel like going to Target.
This morning on TV they were showing footage of V-Fest and she was performing. It’s a little scary to watch, I was afraid she would fall over or collapse at any moment. She shakes and wobbles and runs her hands awkwardly through her hair. She’s so strange and different that it’s almost like she’s playing a part, that she can’t actually be that way. But I think she really is, and I like her all the more for it.
I don’t care anymore. This is as detached as it gets for me. Maybe my priorities are out of line, but I feel like none of this pressure is getting to me anymore. My life isn’t going to be ruined because of this and I’m going to be fine.
an excerpt from an email i wrote to tsukii yesterday
On Tuesday my mom said that my grades are going to ruin my life. Then on the same day Mr. Jennings talked to us about how grades don’t reflect the person we will be and who we are. He says, sure they’re related to the school you go to but otherwise your grades have nothing to do with YOU. I agree with Mr. Jennings but at the same time I really really wish I wasn’t going to get crappy grade in math and that I had all A’s and that I was going to go to a good school and be successful. But then on the other hand there’s this Jim Carrey quote I really like that’s like, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” I always think about this. That being happy is important but at the same time I’ve never been rich or famous or had my dreams come true and I always think that things would be better if they were and while I love Jim Carrey I don’t trust him completely.
I bought my first issue of i-D at Barnes & Noble on Saturday because they didn’t have any copies of Nylon. It was really expensive but I love it. Reading this, plus Tavi’s blog, and looking through The Sartorialist is the reason why I decided to start a new project this summer with Nicole. I’m so excited. I hope it works out and that we pull through. One of my dreams is to work for a magazine like i-D or Nylon which is far-fetched but probably easier to accomplish than being an astronaut, haha. But I really do like design and fashion and music and movies and books and culture and writing. I should post all my dreams on here sometime. There’s so many though! And I guess I’m fulfilling one by starting this thing with Nicole. I’m so excited for summer!!! I hope it all works out.
This Tumblr has gotten to the point where it is way too self-serving for me to handle. I’ve thought about deleting it and doing more constructive things with my time so often lately but something always comes up. I think I just spend too much time complaining on here and it’s unhealthy to bitch and flounder in self-pity so much. So, I’m going to stop bitching and floundering and posting screen-caps of scenes from Sofia Coppola films. At least on here. I think that writing about how shitty I feel doesn’t make me feel any less shitty when I know there’s an audience. It’s not a pure reflection of my life or who I am. So yeah, I have things to do, and other things to come, and I don’t really intend on using this to gripe about my life anymore.
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole
but if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall then I think we would see the beauty then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.
bought tickets for warped tour hahahhaha I remember when I used to recognize all the bands that were playing-not anymore. But whatever I’ve always wanted to go and it’s more the experience not so much to see all the alt bands I used to like. I am actually really excited though!!
but then I watched The Hills and witnessed Kelly Cutrone in action. I love everything she says:
"You know where nice people end up? In welfare."
"I never thought of myself as a feminist because I believe in equality."
"Your dreams are ballbusters; they’re not the yellow brick road, and you have to really understand, most of our life we’re following this carrot to find out who we’re not. Allow yourself the chance to make a lot of mistakes. And after you do, pick yourself up and keep on trying, ‘cause if I quit every time I was bad at something, I probably wouldn’t have made it through high school, so keep going."
"I say that half your life is spent trying to get out of a small town and the other half trying to get back to one."
Not as much as yesterday and I wouldn’t really care normally but I spent so much money on it and my dad will be pissed and yell at me again like the time I lost my sweatshirt and he already thinks I’m irresponsible and spacey but maybe I’ll find it on monday? =\ I hope so.
I wish I could talk to someone about this and I wish that it was easier to explain how I feel. I don’t like it when you think you have me figured out. I tell my friends the events but I feel so detached from them that I forget how I actually feel. I felt miserable yesterday for so many reasons, but it’s not so bad when the TV is on or I’m listening to the radio or if I’m doing homework. It’s better to have a focus. Otherwise I’m forced to actually face my problems.
I really want to intern at EQCA with Tsukii but I really don’t think my parents would let me. I hate their political views sometimes. I know my mom knows how I feel but we never talk about it. My dad definitely doesn’t know, but he doesn’t know anything about my opinions on things. It frustrated me when he said I was narrow-minded. I can be, but I try not to.
I wish I could just talk about things with them without it snowballing into an argument.
House:I like being alone. At least, I convince myself that I'm better off that way. And then I met someone at a psychiatric hospital of all places. She changed me. And then she left. We're better off alone. We suffer alone. Doesn't matter if you're a model husband, or father of the year. Tomorrow will be the same for you.
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